Hallie’s walking now, and as I follow her through her days, I can’t help but wonder what’s going on in her head.
For though her development is obvious, it is also, due to her Down Syndrome, both skewed, and mysterious.
You see, I’m not a book reader when it comes to my kids. Some part of my soul quietly dug in its heels early on, and I’ve been resisting the experts ever since. The downside of this is that I spend a lot of time learning things the hardest possible way. The upside is that my instincts are my own.
So, of course, I could study up and nail down the developmental mileposts Hallie is likely to hit, and as far as her physical development goes, we’ve pretty much done that. But the growth of her inner world leads down a more tenuous path, and rather than burying my head in someone else’s map and fretting over every missed turn, I prefer to let my daughter lead.
Her ways are not direct.
After building herself up early on to a solid 15 word vocabulary, she more recently seemed to reach a dead end. Undaunted, she did what any sensible explorer would do: she turned around and headed back the way she came. And so we watched much of her early knowledge dissipate over the past year until we were back to “Da-da “, “Ma-ma”, “Up” and “Done.” She even stopped saying Heath, for the longest time her favorite word.
But lately she seems to have found a new path, one that has taught her to walk, to sing, and to discover the word “Yeah.” At this moment in time, this one syllable is her true medium. Although her intonation is limited, “Yeah” functions as more than just a sound she can repeat. She uses it to answer questions. She uses it for emphasis. She uses it appropriately. She uses it. And for the first time, it feels like language.
I enjoy being lost, which is a gift. For this is how we travel. Up in the morning, diaper change and breakfast. And then Hallie begins her journey. I follow as she ambles along, her lurching gate growing in ease and strength with each passing day. Despite her continued negotiations with gravity, she moves forward with joy and determination, smiling upon her world and brooking no obstruction. She turns back only to make sure I’m still with her, and then, purpose renewed, she heads deeper into the beguiling labyrinth through which she is my only guide.
Playing in the City with Trains 
Derek, I’m with you on the reading and following someone else’s guidelines. So far all of my six have been ahead only to be behind only to be on track. Kids do whatever they want based on many factors:personality, maturity, and just plain old stubbornness. I still love and admire each one of them and like that I’ve followed them in their footsteps. Turn these writings of yours into a book! They are wonderful.